Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
