so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
