I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
