I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
