Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
