UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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