NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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