He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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