Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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