But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
