I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
