Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
