I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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