Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
