you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
