I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
