Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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