There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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