I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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