I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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