I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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