i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
