you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
