I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize