You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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