like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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