I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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