Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize