Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
