i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
