she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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