Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
