it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
