I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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