the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
