I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2