Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with