im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life