Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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You took a bar mat shot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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I don't deserve a penis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later