I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos