I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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