Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
