the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
