Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
the raccoons are back...
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