The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize