I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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