The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
