its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
