He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
