This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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