Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
