dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
