Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
