I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Found the puke drawer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
