When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
