My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My vagina just clenched in fear
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
