On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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