I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
