Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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