Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
