when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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