my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
