I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
