I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The air was thick with penises
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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