I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
