She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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