he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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