connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
