Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
