we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
