dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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