i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
