Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
