Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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