So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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