I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
