I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
